I believe my life would have been different if I’d had a mother who taught me how to apply makeup. Instead, I had a dear, brilliant role model who could have starred in a Fellini film, so terrible were her application skills. The lipstick was a slash of orange, the cheeks were two unblended red daubs, and as she got older and her hair thinned, she wore a hairpiece like a jaunty little cap. So I learned nothing—which may explain even at this late stage why I enjoy watching makeup tutorials. I’m as terrible as she is—when the going gets tough, the tough call Glamsquad—but still, I can spend hours poring over various tools, techniques, and vibes.

My unlikely go-to site is MasterClass, and currently it hosts three very different makeup gurus. It’s fun to find the one who best suits you. But be open. Who’s to say that a Bobbi Brown girl can’t have a RuPaul kind of day?

Bobbi Brown

Origin Story:
One of her earliest makeup memories was getting her makeup done at the mall—and then crying and running home to wash it all off. She felt like a clown. She knew, though, that she loved makeup, and over the years she vowed to make sure none of the women she touched would ever feel that way.

Philosophy:
“Makeup should not be a mask; makeup should not change the way you look. You want to look like the best version of yourself. Being authentic makes people beautiful.” She does not believe in “correcting” flaws. She believes in “going with the flow.”

Inspiration:
Ali MacGraw’s character in Love Story. (Obviously, Brown was focusing on the naturally glorious face and eyebrows, not the cheesy script.)

Color Tips:
For blush, pinch your cheek and match its color. For foundation, she says, “skin should look like skin.” To find a match, apply a streak to the side of your face, and if it disappears it’s the right color. Concealer is one shade lighter. Bobbi says you can wear concealer without foundation, but you can’t wear foundation without concealer.

Application tips:
Bobbi Brown is the queen of the tippy-taps. She applies everything with her fingers. She has tiny fingers we can all dream about.

A Bobbi Don’t:
Contour. She doesn’t believe in it. You are not making new planes, or downplaying anything. You are getting the best out of what you already have.

Why I Love Bobbi:
When I began to get a little confused about concealer versus foundation, I just head over to a lesson called “One Minute Makeup.” Ahhhh.

John Barnett, also known as “Sir John”

Sir John is best known for his work with clients Beyoncé, Viola Davis, and Karlie Kloss. This is the tutorial for people who already have real skills, and also occasionally want to look like the world’s hottest parakeet.

Origin Story:
After being fired from his job at a MAC counter (for being late), he worked as a makeup artist at a strip club. He went to a show during Fashion Week and met the makeup artist Pat McGrath. She asked if he happened to be going to Milan in two weeks. He said, “Oh, definitely.” He had neither money nor a passport nor a job in Milan. When he wistfully told this story to the girls at the strip club, they gave him $2,200. Once in Milan, he met Naomi Campbell, and the rest is makeup history.

Philosophy:
“All makeup is storytelling.... It’s war paint.”

Career Highlight:
Beyoncé “was the most important smoky eye I ever had to do.”

Simplicity is in the smoky eye of the beholder:
Sir John starts his skin-care routine by saying, “I’m going to keep it really simple”… and then there are 16 steps, beginning with “wet the washcloth” and ending with the application of S.P.F. In between there is a dizzying array of toners, moisturizers, and serums. But, seriously, look at the man’s skin.

Contouring?
Not for every person, but, sure, he’ll show you how. Sir John probably has the best step-by-step instructions out there.

Sir John has balls:
Cryo balls, to be exact, which are these balls you keep in ice and roll on your skin to increase blood flow. In fact, Sir John has several unusual tools for his skin regimen. There are only so many hours in the day.

If you do have those hours, this may be your guy. If Bobbi Brown is Nigella Lawson, making something delicious by throwing some stuff in a pan, and everything can be substituted for something else, Sir John is more like Yotam Ottolenghi: exquisite, but there is one ingredient you’ve never heard of, and even the breadcrumbs need to be made from a loaf you just baked.

Did I mention Sir John’s no-makeup look? Twenty-five steps.

The best Sir John hack (at least for us curlyheads):
Instead of eyebrow gel, use a glue stick. This was a revelation for me. For all I know, everyone does this, but for me it was like discovering this far-out product called hair spray.

There will be a test:
Sir John likes to give homework, and not strictly in makeup application. For one writing exercise, he will have you celebrate yourself by listing the ways you are unique, and the things you love about yourself—physical, emotional, social. He has writing prompts. (In relationships with others, the best qualities I bring to the table are …) He has affirmations. As he likes to say, you don’t have to look too far for inspiration—all you have to do is look in the mirror.

RuPaul

He is not a makeup artist, and the overall theme of his MasterClass is authenticity. But within this series, America’s most popular drag queen (before George Santos) has a lot to teach us.

RuPaul likes to say that his makeup lessons are not necessarily for the stage; they’re techniques that the average person can perfect. Here, he joins his own makeup artist, David Petruschkin (Raven), for some easy-to-master techniques … like using five different shades of foundation to create an entirely different face. (For a man, it’s all about softening the jaw and forehead.)

Origin Story:
RuPaul grew up in San Diego with three sisters who taught him everything about color, clothes, and pop culture. One day, one of the sisters grabbed an old blanket and some cookies, dragged her five-year-old brother to the backyard, laid out the blanket, and said, “Ru, this is a picnic.” It was just an old blanket and a couple of cookies. But in that moment, RuPaul realized how he was going to approach life: “You have to look for the magic.”

Philosophy:
“When you decorate your body, when you decorate your face, it’s a way of saying to your Maker, ‘Thank you.’”

Did we say Sir John is a maximalist? Hahahaha. With RuPaul, you need a couple of hours to spare before you get out the door, even if you’re not doing full drag. (Just to give you some idea: You know that thing about using glue on your eyebrows? RuPaul and Raven use four layers.) But look at it this way: It’s amazing to watch a facial transformation. And as Raven explains, “Once you’re in full drag, you could go hiking in Alaska and be completely fine.”

Best RuPaul Hack for the Adventurous:
Walker’s Solution and skin tape. Walker’s is a facial anti-perspirant that keeps heavy makeup from sliding off your face. And Mark Traynor’s FaceLift Kit is a combination of tape and strings that basically tucks any excess skin behind the ears. Why didn’t I know about this before I spent $30,000?

RuPaul hacks for the rest of us:
Contour the outer edges of your face with darker shades and use lighter shades in the middle.” When I tried this I looked like I had smeared dirt on my jaw and then compensated by spraying my nose with Wite-Out. But if I practice 4 or 500 times, I’ll get the hang of it.

RuPaul’s Don’t:
Putting on your makeup while you drive. “Not only are you putting yourself in danger, you’re putting everyone else in danger … and the people who have to look at your face at work.”

Takeaway:
By the end of the RuPaul and Raven tutorial, I was convinced I could get a medical degree before I really understood how to do this amount of makeup. I found myself silently screaming, Bobbi, come back and tippy-tap one product on my cheek! But that’s O.K. I am not a shape-shifter. And maybe you are. It’s a beautiful thing to behold.

After watching hours of MasterClass lessons, I inadvertently stumbled on Helen Mirren. She does a tutorial on acting, which happens to include several lessons involving how makeup helps her get in character, how, for example, the eyebrows of Hedda Hopper placed correctly helped her become Hedda Hopper. I kept returning to one question she posed on behalf of her viewers. “Lighting, hair, makeup—they all tell a story,” she says, adding that while she is getting her makeup done, she asks herself, “Is this the story I want to tell?”

Judith Newman is a New York–based writer and the author of To Siri with Love