In the spirit of Edward Said’s keeping an extra apartment on the Upper West Side to stash a mistress and his pianos, I implore you this holiday season to elevate and refine your taste, for posterity’s sake. Gifts should be memorable and slightly absurd.
At the very least, unreasonably priced versions of everyday essentials are a solid option. My wish list is full of them: an unholy-level, tacky Paris-themed Le Creuset set ($388 for a braiser), Richard Ginori porcelain china in a harsh colorway ($210 for a set of two dessert plates), art world–style tortoise glasses from Les Opticiens du Bac ($275), and fur-lined Ludwig Reiter boots ($900) for winter—someone fucking stole mine; otherwise, they would have lasted forever.
Cheese, fruit, and sausage baskets are only tolerable as a hotel welcome gift. Better to stick to one foodstuff—ship winter pears individually wrapped in foil ($44.99) or spend $3.50 on a bag of artisanal sea salt produced in a salt mill from 1884, recommended by the design director Erin Knutson. This particular family brand also sells “the caviar” of salt in humble jars ($12.50).
“I like that scene in The American President when Michael Douglas sends Annette Bening a Virginia ham,” says the painter Sam McKinniss. “More people should be doing that.” Chef du jour Alison Roman buys her half-bone-in ham at Snake River Farms ($119).
In the movie, the sitting president initially calls a flower shop and attempts to order his paramour’s state plant—a good present for the patriotic type, if she even exists anymore. Speaking of: set designer Janina Pedan has made cheeky scarves depicting a sinking Russian battleship (from $60). All proceeds benefit Ukrainian relief. Pure silk.
Janina’s husband, the memoirist Charlie Gilmour, suggests an elegant facsimile of the Book of Revelation from the 15th century ($1,050 to $3,160). For the Dimes Square Catholic in your life?
The writer Alice Gregory has been giving everyone tubes of Marvis toothpaste in limited-edition flavors she found in a Knightsbridge pharmacy: Earl Grey ($12.50), Black Forest ($12), Orange Blossom ($10.50), Matcha ($12.42), Rhubarb ($12), and “something they’re calling Royal ($10.50), which boasts ‘charming oriental notes.’” She is “going to stipulate in the card that they have to let me taste a dab after they’ve unwrapped it.”
For Christmas this year, the Joycean Susie Lopez scraped the Joan Didion auction site and gave me a copy of My Beverly Hills Kitchen: Classic Southern Cooking with a French Twist ($40), paired with a festive, see-through beaded bib from Simone Rocha ($275), I imagine for cooking naked. She suggests a practical gift for hostesses: quality folding chairs from Bigelow pharmacy, cleverly upholstered in authentic Louis Vuitton– and Fendi-logoed leather. Call them at 212-533-2700. For Victorian-era-esque lampshades, she is an acolyte of Geminola. D.M. only!
If you have to buy a gift for a man, the painter and musician Issy Wood recommends a steel-mesh oyster-shucking glove ($200). Casting agent Walter Pearce likes his UFC Fightpass subscription ($95.99 per year).
My boyfriend, who is English, suggests that New Yorkers, without kitchens roomy enough for an AGA—the hallmark stove of the British upper upper middle class—opt for the mini version in coral pink ($8,750). “It fits in a shepherd’s hut.” He is also partial to the fussy, amusing vases of Miranda Keyes, which are sold by Jermaine Gallacher, the design dealer. I covet the hand-carved fruitwood plinths from his showroom ($550).
My ex-boyfriend, the designer Chris Habib, a practical man, recommends this steamer and iron in one ($65). “Cord retracts into the base, and it heats up super-fast.”
The illustrator Joana Avillez wears Schostal pajamas from Rome (the Web site is down; you may have to fly there), and likes to pad around the house in Capezio ballet flats ($42). Her go-to children’s book is the “gorgeous” Moon Man, by Tomi Ungerer ($35.67). (“Like all 70s European illustrators, Tomi had a foray into weird porn comics.”)
The journalist and podcaster Molly Jong-Fast votes for the personal, feminine touch, such as a monogrammed pillow; may I suggest this floral font from Leontine Linens, which weaves roses into individual letters?
The novelist Dana Vachon encourages you to turn your back on Smythson and try a family-run printing press out of Larchmont. (“They may be the most progressive operation ever headquartered there.”)
The novelist Natasha Stagg frequents a store called, simply, Tea Dealers, “the extreme opposite of the loud sports bars that flank it, on Avenue B. They only sell teas that have won awards, which I didn’t know was a thing.”
For the broody girl or boy, waiting on their admissions applications, perhaps, the book critic Christian Lorentzen (who, incidentally, was my college boyfriend), recommends burdening them with a systems novel that no one at their school will have read: The Visitors, by Jessi Jezewska Stevens ($18.97); Brother Alive, by Zain Khalid ($17); Planes, by Peter C. Baker (18.39); and The Logos, by Mark de Silva ($29.95).
The relationship columnist Karley Sciortino likes vampy, vintage-inspired lingerie from What Katie Did, such as this bullet bra ($46.99). (“It’s hard to find hot lingerie for big boobs that doesn’t look like a medical apparatus.”) Pair with “not psycho-expensive” thigh-highs ($16.99).
The sex-positive podcaster Eileen Kelly recommends turning yourself into the gift via Agent Provocateur’s candy-apple-red bra sealed with a tulle bow ($195). For those on a budget, she likes the crotchless Yandy bodysuit ($22.36). She says, “Dita Von Teese’s burlesque show starts on New Year’s Eve in L.A. See the Queen of Burlesque herself in a giant bedazzled martini glass.”
The gallerist, book publisher, and my friend who cooks for me the most, Janique Vigier, encourages you to shop at Bonnie Slotnick, the tiny cookbook-only bookstore on East Second Street. The owner blasts Bach and has no set hours.
For other kitchen-supply shopping, Janique says: “I love the spice shop SOS Chefs, on Avenue B, run by the charming Tunisian chef Atef Boulaabi. Fancy salt is overplayed as a hostess gift, and whoever doesn’t have salt at home has bigger problems than Maldon. Instead, bring cassava ($15) or white balsamic ($12) vinegar, homemade harissa ($15), or my favorite, four or five heads of black garlic ($15 for three). I’m coveting the oval copper skillet ($500) purchased from the Waldorf-Astoria auction.”
The TV writer Juli Weiner—who recently wrote about the ideal baby gift for AIR MAIL—has four words for you: Larry Flynt estate sale. “Like the Joan Didion estate sale, but for interesting people.”
She says the perfect thank-you gift is a Yukiko Morita Pampshade lamp ($52) “in the shape of a croissant or brioche.” She recommends the ‘21’ Club cookbook ($35) and has a hot tip for gastronomes: Nancy Reagan’s favorite recipes are available for free on the Reagan Library Web site. “The collection includes a brownie recipe and, on the very same page, a parenthetical from Betsy Bloomingdale about how everyone is trying to cut down on their eating.”
Kaitlin Phillips is a publicist living in New York’s East Village